Toddlerhood

In August, Baby Grub is about to enter the world of toddlerhood, officially. She has shown definite  signs of more confidence, wanting more independence and decision making and is testing her boundaries more and more. Yet she still clings to me when there are strangers about.

I remember not too long ago when Grub was an infant I couldn't wait for her to be more interactive, to discover her personality, to take her on discoveries and adventures and to answer all her questions and curiosities. Looking back, I did enjoy the time I had with baby Grub but I feel as though time is moving too quickly and I'm missing the days of holding a sleeping babe in my arms (who doesn't weigh 13kg), touching her soft skin and smelling that sweet, sweet newborn smell. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE who Grub has become. Shes hilarious, kind, generous, loving, silly, creative and at times is on the cutting edge of fashion.

When I look at her now, I try to hold on to those memories, her pure innocence, the sacredness of the love I felt for a helpless being. I feel its especially important to still hold on to that memory when new challenges arise as children move from newborn, to toddler, to child, teenager and beyond. Shes still just as precious as she was when I first held her in my arms on the day she was born.




MamaKoo


Don't you wish life had a pause button or perhaps a rewind function, so you can relive all those fond memories true to their form?

What matters most

Since I've become a mother I've done a lot of soul searching, but more so in the past year. What matters most about life has become more and more evident to me, family, friends and the simple pleasures that life has to offer. Throughout the life of an average human being, there is always going to be ups and downs. During low times, I try to place my focus on what is good in my life, what lifts me up and into the light again. The one thing that is keeps me strong and focused is my family, my beautiful girl and my darling husband.

 

MamaKoo

A Mother's Guilt

When I became a Mother it didn't even cross my mind the level of guilt I could feel when I have regret or think I've made a mistake. 

Recently Grub has been feeling under the weather, with a fluctuating fever for the past three weeks. My GP couldn't give us any answers and after a night of Grub's temperature reaching 40 degrees, I decided to take her to children's emergency to see if they could tell me anything my GP couldn't. The Doctor at emergency asked for a urine sample, a stool sample and a blood test. I don't know if its because of my severe sleep deprivation, my thoughts over run with worry for baby Grub or that I'm just a bit slow but it didn't occur to me how invasive a blood test on a little one would be.

 At first the nurse asked me to sit Grub on my lap and hold arms while she tightened the strap to Grub's arm and then began to forcefully pump her arm to find her little veins. She called in another, most likely senior nurse to ask if she had found a vein or not. The senior nurse nodded with the go ahead. At this point Grub was already trying to break free but as the nurse used her needle over and over to try and find Grub's vein, she began crying and flinching. The nurse gave up on that arm and asked if we could lay Grub down and try the other arm.

I held her for a while, offering my breast for comfort.. she wouldn't have a bar of it. She suckled for a little, still whimpering as she sucked, but pushed me away. We were hurried along by the nurse, Mike had to hold down Grub's legs while I had to hold her arm and her chest. The nurse forcefully pumped Grub's arm again and she began crying in protest, then as the nurse tried to find her vein with the needle, Grub started screaming like I've never heard before. She went all red, tears where streaming out of her eyes, she was frothing at the mouth, she kept looking at me to help her... but I didn't, I just looked into her eyes with complete shock, that I was letting this happen to my baby girl. I didn't stop it and I feel so guilty.

 
Its been almost 4 days now the fever is gone... no thanks to the blood test and what was once a happy, independent baby Grub, is now clinging, whinging, rarely smiles or laughs, hits me, and is having sleep problems and night terrors. We've both been traumatised by this expereince and I'm trying my best to rebuild our bond and I'm confident I'll gain her trust again... But its the guilt thats killing me.

How do you overcome the guilt that comes with being a Mother?


MamaKoo

An hour outdoors

As Grub is getting older, I think its very important for her to spend time outdoors everyday, weather permitting. Providing Grub an environment that allows her access to the outdoors, I feel will help her become closer to nature and therefore appreciate and respect the wonders that nature offers. Besides children naturally love the outdoors, so a good time should be had by all.


So I've promised myself to try and get outside for at least an hour a day and then on weekends we have outdoor family time too. Even if its just our daily walk around the neighbourhood, I'll stop and allow Grub to feel different textured leaves, smell flowers, look at the cat following us on the fence. To stop and look for birds while I try to name what type they are. Its all about stopping and allowing her to absorb and learn from her environment. We're already teaching her about seasons, plants, animals, textures, sounds and shes just loving it.

Early morning at Playford lake

Taking it all in

Last weekend we spent our outdoor family time at Belair National Park, Mike insisted we take Grub somewhere with lots of tree and birds. We definitely got both. We found a variety of birds including a variety of ducks, the Australian Wood Duck, Pacific Black Ducks and hybrids of Mallards.

Hybrid Mallards

An Australian Magpie gave me a fright and swooped at me, Magpies are known for their aggressive behavior around mating season.

Magpie starring at me after its attack

Dusky Moorhens followed us basically all the way around Playford lake, hissing, the way they do. I think the water birds thought we had brought food because they were crowding us and acting abnormally friendly.

Dusky Moorhens chasin' and a hissin'

Surrounded by Dusky Moorhens

On the other side of the lake I spotted a Koala perched in a tree not far beyond the path we were on. Mike and Grub went in for a closer look and to Mike's delight the Koala had a joey with her. We had a brief chat to Mama Koala, Mike told her she was doing a good job at raising her baby and that he wished her all the luck in the world. Grub was mesmerised by Mama K, she wouldn't stop starring at her and every now and then would wave and add a 'hello'.

Mama K and her little joey

Grubs in love

Moments like these bring the family closer

Its moments like these, unaided by man made objects like television or even books or toys allow you to appreciate the natural beauty of things, it allows families to come closer and find happiness from 'simplistic' joy.


MamaKoo

Nursing my nursling

This past Tuesday marked my first anniversary with Grub and our nursing relationship, I say relationship because it involves a lot of trust and mutual agreement to keep the relationship strong. Things have changed remarkably since we first started out, what first comes to mind is the length of time it takes to nurse and the number of times a day. I remember feeling like I was constantly on the couch with my breasts out and Grub attached to them, when I let down, a surge of milk would come flooding out wetting what felt like everything. I was constantly sticky and smelt like milk ALL the time. As you can most likely tell, I didn't enjoy the first few months of breast feeding.

Grumpy MamaKoo

Not to mention the latch problems and unbelievably sore nipples (I would have rather go through labor again). I remember crying, not wanting to nurse because it hurt too much and becoming depressed because I felt I couldn't give my baby the best start in life.

First time nursing didn't hurt, Grub was 2 months

Nursing becoming a breeze

Perfecting the lying down position

I'm so happy I persevered, it becomes unbelievably easier, to the point where Grub has become such a professional, she knows exactly what to do.

Starting to fall in love with nursing

I love some things that have stayed the same

• She still needs me and wants me above all other people
• When she latches her head automatically drops as if I'm always going to be there to catch it
• The way her eyes roll back in ecstasy when she first gets a taste of my milk
• The way she looks at me when she nurses, like I'm the most important person in her world

I love some of the things that have changed

• Time and frequency of feeding!!!
• The inventive nursing positions that shes coming up with
• Her humming her nursing song while nursing
• The way she strokes my side or plays with my amber necklace
• When she needs to touch and stroke her hair

One year! Woo hoo!

MamaKoo

First year

As spring is coming around the corner and we've been experiencing some glorious days. Last year baby Grub was a bit too young to fully absorb her outside surroundings. She LOVED leaves back then and still does.

Baby Grub's first time swimming last year

But this year is all about birds, dogs, grass, textures, sounds and waving a friendly faces.
 

Happy Grub enjoying life

We all had an absolute ball when we went out for a picnic for her first birthday. I made cheesy sticks, broccoli and tomato muffins, chickeny fingers, butter bean and carrot patties and a delicious healthy banana cake, which I took from a mini cake recipe I found here.

Mini cake for a mini lady

Its such a delight to watch your young one take such pleasure in the simplest of things. It really makes you sit back and appreciate life from a different perspective.

I think she likes the wrapping more than what was inside

We ate, played, chased birds, met a beautiful Labrador who tried to demolish our picnic and fed some ducks. Grub had so much fun with her slice of cake, that afterwards I had to strip her down and change her. I think it was her secret plan all along... she loves being a nudist.

Rebel

Nudist behavior

Grub's birthday was not only a day of celebration marking her day of birth, but its also our one year of breast feeding anniversary. In the early weeks I didn't think we would make it this far, having sore crack nipples made me wonder if it was all worth it. We're both very glad I persisted, I can't imagine life without.

1 year: You, me and the boob

Celebrating Grub's first birthday has evoked a strange new feeling, full of emotions. One that is full of pride and humility and joy yet sadness. We made it through our first year generally unharmed! And my little baby is on her way to growing up.

MamaKoo

Birthday day!

Its been a very long yet extremely fast year, one year ago today I gave birth to my lovely first born, Baby Grub, I still remember it like it was yesterday. After a morning of relaxing, kisses and cuddles, we're going to head out to the park to meet a few friends and family for a picnic. Its going to be a lovely blue skied day and what better way to spend it, outdoors with my little Grubby bum looking at birds, crawling on grass and eating food.

Me and Grub seconds after birth

We've come a long way baby! Mama loves you.

MamaKoo

Motherhood vs friends

Over the past six months I've noticed a dramatic shift in my circle of friends. I was very surprised to find out that becoming a Mother altered the roles that girlfriends play dramatically. When I think about it in hindsight, there is no way that becoming a mother couldn't change friendships. Previous to the birth of baby Grub, my friends mainly consisted of students or people who work casually in the hospitality industry. Who live in share houses, have casual relationships, go out spontaneously after work for cocktails, a late night dinner or to see a band. I am the first of my friends to get married and start a family and at times I feel like not one of my friends understand what I'm going through. The reality of dealing with sleepless nights because of a moody baby or the adjustments you have to make in your life in order to become a wife and a Mother doesn't really hit home until your actually living it.

Late nights and late mornings

The first few months after bringing baby Grub home I felt were the worst. I was still adjusting to becoming a new Mother, having the usual breast feeding issues like latching issues and cracked, sore nipples, feeling emotional, isolated and very tired. A hug, cup of coffee and a chat with an understanding friend, would have done wonders. A few friends did visit me on occasion but if it wasn't for my family members, especially Mike, my Mum and Aunties, I think I wouldn't have coped as well as I did.

Overtired and grumpy.. me not Grub!

Finding new mummy friends as helped a lot, not only can I talk about issues I'm dealing with, I can help support other Mothers through their struggles. I'm going through the same thing as they are and that interaction tends to make me feel like I'm not on my own. Becoming a Mother has opened the door to a world of new friendships that I would not have had otherwise. Mothers that I have hardly any similarities with other than our babies are both six months, yet we can talk for hours. It’s just a case of having the confidence to get out there and find them.

Whilst its fantastic to make new mummy friends, I think its also important to maintain your old friendships to help hold on to who you were before your children came along. Its the balance between old and new friendships that helps you stay sane. I know us Mothers are busy most of the time and that the only spare time we have to ourselves is after we've put our babies to sleep after a long day. But every now and then do try to use that time to send an old friend a text saying that your thinking of them, remind yourself to send that birthday card you've been meaning to, or pick up the phone and have a quick chat. These little things will help keep the friendship alive, if the other party is willing. Remember that the overwhelming early stages of motherhood will pass quickly and if you value your friendships it will pay off to work at them through the crazy days of sleep-deprivation, endless nappies and breastfeeding.

MamaKoo